


i hope for a day

by wastethenight



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Carisi worries a lot, I tried to keep it Super Gender Neutral, Olivia is there for like .2 seconds, Other, so the reader could be a boy/girl/nb/ect, trans reader - Freeform, tw transphobia i guess??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 09:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6464656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastethenight/pseuds/wastethenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based off of the events from 17x03 "transgender bridge"</p>
            </blockquote>





	i hope for a day

**Author's Note:**

> im truly stressin i hope this is good lmao  
> (i didnt have anyone to beta it n if anything here is like Super Problematic please let me know)  
> (i'm nb but still i hope i didnt like make anything ugly)

He hates this case, hates it _so much_. Sonny absolutely despises every single aspect about this and wishes it had never happened for an endless amount of reasons. He hates that a fifteen year old girl died because she wanted to go take pictures after school but people – kids even – have been groomed to be so judgmental that they thought the right thing to do was get violent with her. He hates that even in her passing people still won’t use the right pronouns, he hates that the EMT on the site had the audacity to call her a boy not even an hour after she was pushed off a fucking bridge. He hates that everyone’s immediate reaction was to film and go along with the abuse, record it even. He hates that no one helped and he swears on his life and everything else possible that he would do anything to change that.

They’re in the middle of trial for it now, it’s lengthy and rough and it’s left a trail of torn up people in its wake and Christ knows nobody feels right about this. The entire thing feels like a debate that shouldn’t be happening with the most taboo low blows and dismissals. Walking into the courthouse and seeing Avery’s parents brings only the most gut-wrenching thoughts to him, he’s pretty sure it breaks his heart into a million pieces that just last week they were a family who had a beautiful daughter who they loved and accepted so much and now that’s just _gone_. Sonny feels like his insides are all tied up in knots, for once in his life he doesn’t know what to feel or do or say. He isn’t sure if it’s the nicest thing or the right thing or that he has any place to have input but he knows he wants justice for this girl somehow and oh dear _God_ , does he want this to never happen ever again.

This case has rattled his teammates and chilled most of them to the bone, him especially, everyone filling out their paperwork and typing their reports with shaking hands (some have tried to be discreet about it, others not so much. Sonny remains unsure of where he falls in those categories). He’s been staying at the precinct so late with tonight being no exception as his phone screen lights up at the sign of a new message while the digits indicate how late (early) it is. He lets out a sigh that wavers a bit too much for his liking and puts his head in his hands, trying to rub away the headache he’s been living with for the past week when his lieutenant walks over to his desk wearing one of the most concerned looks he’s ever seen.

She leans against his desk and crosses her arms, “Carisi, go home. You did good work today. Not to mention if you don’t leave now I highly doubt you’ll be leaving at all and tomorrow evening trial continues.”

Sonny bites his cheek. Fuck, trial tomorrow. He leans back and gives a hesitant nod, “I…Yeah…you’re probably right. Thanks, Liv.” Thoughts of protest float in his head for a moment, he just wants this case to wrap up as fast as he can, but he knows he’d be shut down. Sonny’s done all he can tonight and should really get back anyways.

“Get back to that angel of yours you’re always rambling about. Stay safe.” Liv gives him a small smile, patting him on the shoulder before heading back to her office.

Sonny feels a pang in his chest upon the mention of his angel, his sweetheart whom he loves ever so much and who has turned him into the biggest sap in the world, you. You had met through one of those “my friend’s friend’s friend” situations which seems and sounds absolutely ridiculous and overrated and it sort of had been. The get together was cheesy and cliché like it could have been straight out of the Breakfast Club and you’re rougly seventy-five percent sure you are forbidden to go back together again as a group due to Sonny’s friends (as well as Sonny, depending who you ask) yelling some cheer about Fordham Law a little too loud. By the end of the night you had blown milkshake out of your nose, someone managed to spill the entire salt shaker out onto the table, and Sonny had almost crashed into an elderly couple there because you had smiled so largely at one of his jokes when he had gotten up to go to the bathroom and it had made him weak in the knees all a little bit too literally – but he wouldn’t tell anyone that for weeks.

You had been such a darling, no one had any intentions of setting you up except for what you can only explain as fate’s hand because you had clicked with him so well. He was loud and obnoxious but it was oddly endearing and he tried _so hard_ to make everyone laugh and be joyous. After more encounters with you he had cursed himself for ever doubting his mother’s statements about angels being real as a teenager because Lord in heaven was he wrong, angels are real and he is unreally sure that you are one regardless of what anyone else told him.

You, who had managed to help keep him smiling for so long now. You, who just made him hate this case more, serving as both a painful reminder of why this case is too real and too terrifying and a safe haven for Sonny.

He remembers the beforehand of meeting you, his friend had explained that you were transgender to him and granted he was extremely lost at first he was also extremely determined to keep an open mind and he thanks his lucky stars every day. He remembers sitting down with you and talking about it and making more mental notes than he did studying for his bar exam because, shit, he really didn’t want to fuck this up with you. He also remembers promising that if he fucked up in the future and upset you that you were fully allowed to take his handcuffs and cuff him to the porch for a night. But you were so kind and patient with him, and you still are, regardless of whether or not he thinks he deserves that loving attitude.

Sonny runs a hand through his hair, his blonde bangs hardly being held back by the gel he smoothed them down with before his everlasting work day, he just wants to go home. Walking out of the precinct and making that ten minute subway commute back to your shared apartment feels like a journey across the country and the fluorescent lights all around the city make him dizzy but once he’s at your door the relief is almost instant. Before he can even put the key in the doorknob its being twisted open and he’s met with your face and he feels like the gates of heaven are opening as he sees your wide eyes. Your wide, very awake eyes, and suddenly he feels so bad.

“Angel, why are you still awake? It’s almost four in the morning.” He rubs at his eyes with one hand while you take the other with a warm smile. Your hands are soft and your touch is kind as you lead him to the couch.

“I kind of slept a bit too late today and already had an idea that I’d be waiting for you to come home since the thought of you coming home to a quiet, dark apartment is not the nicest one. Anyways, I quite like the A.M.”

Sonny pauses from putting his bag down, “Really? That’s why you’re still up? I distinctly remember you laying on the kitchen floor crying one night because you were so tired.”

“Well, yes and no, smartguy. Miss Gallagher needed some help over at the flower shop so I thought I’d pop by for as long as I could like the good soul I am. That and Audrey over in 302 was having the loudest sex I’ve ever heard in my entire life and we all know how her partners enjoy her company too late for how thin these walls are,” You make a face at him and then giggle a little and all he can do is smile softly at you and swallow the lump in his throat. He sees you clock it, “…but how was _your_ day?”

He bites his lip a bit as he hears your tone become more serious and threaded with worry but god have mercy come day he lies to you, “Rough. Tiring. I’m home now, though, with you. Everything’s okay.” You can tell he’s exhausted and he knows you know that everything’s not really okay.

“Still working the Parker case? About that sweet girl? Oh, Sonny…” You run your fingers over his hands, drawing little shapes and playing with his fingers. You feel your heart drop down to your stomach and you want to call his team and yell at them because this case is too much for him but in the same way they probably thought he’d be good for it. At least until the poor girl involved ended up dead. You’ve hardly seen your Sonny during this case, including the past three days because he simply hasn’t come home from work, he hasn’t had time. You vaguely remember a text about only getting fourty minutes of sleep one day.  Sonny looks exhausted, he lets out a deep sigh that sounds like giving up.

“It…it shouldn’t be such a big deal but it is. I’m used to long work hours but these are, like, eternal work hours. The trial starts tomorrow too and this case is just…” Suddenly his throat is tight and Sonny can’t swallow whatever it is down and his vision is blurry no matter how many times he closes his eyes and reopens them, “it’s just this case scares me, I think? Freaks me out y’know? Because…you and all that.”

You take his hands in yours and give them the biggest reassuring squeeze of all time, it absolutely breaks your heart that your love is feeling this way, “Sonny, I’m okay though and I am not going anywhere. I am staying right here, right with you. Plus, I have my sweetheart detective to keep me safe.”

He smiles a little but it’s too fast to fade and he turns his head and looks you right in the eyes with such desperation, “But I can’t always keep you safe and be with you. And this could happen to you whether you’re in here or out there in the big bad world. Something could happen to you and I might not even know right away and I just want to keep you safe so bad. People are so gross. I wanna make sure nobody hurts you.”

“I know, I know. Just try to think about right now, okay? It’s so scary, trust me, but right now you are with me. You are home and can finally rest. At least give yourself a break from stressing.”

“Sweetie, as much as I love and trust you, I can’t do that. I can’t just turn it off and stop worrying about you, and you know it too. I wish I could I just…”

You swear Sonny’s about to cry, he’s rambling and trying to fight the urge to wipe at his eyes. His world feels like its being pulled apart even as you wrap your arms around him and big tears come out. This is all he’s wanted for the past week and he has it but he’s just so stressed everything feels awful but okay but awful. You want to ease his worries and tell him that his big brain of his is just over working but you know he’s right. He wraps his arms around you and tells you he loves you every way possible.

“I’m sorry, angel.” He says and the sound of his voice is enough to bring tears to your eyes as you move your head a bit to get more comfortable, running your fingers through his hair.

“You have no reason to be sorry, it’s alright, we’re alright.  And if anything were to happen to me or you, god truly forbid, I like to believe the forces of the world would keep us safe. I like to think we’ve stored up enough good luck for that. That and I think you’d light so many prayer candles at the church you’d probably burn it down. I love you and I’m going to love you no matter what happens and I will always be with you. Alright, honey?”

Sonny looks up at you, hair tousled and cheek squished up against your shoulder as he tells you he loves you with a smile that sticks. You laugh and tell him you love him too, of course. You fix tea for the two of you and then head off to bed for your “beauty rest” as Sonny calls it (he also is quick to add that you don’t _need_ beauty rest). Sonny still hates this case. He knows trial will be hell on Earth tomorrow, but at least he has you. Sonny hates this case but he loves you.


End file.
